What's your motivation? Why do you do what you do?
I have to say that I have had a very thought provoking week. Which is to say that I have spent a lot of internal Brandy time, just reflecting on me, my life, and what I do. Yeah, I'm selfish like that. So, let me tell you more about me.
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| awww... look how cute that is. If that face were staring at you asking for a lick of your strawberry sorbet... you would give it a lick, even though it's strawberry sorbet. |
My week started off as what was supposed to be one of the most relaxing weeks ever! I just came off from the hell that was IRD figuring I was substituting but, seriously, when would I be called to sub for a five week course?
On Wednesday, Daniel and I headed down to Santa Monica for a relaxing day on the beach. We played around in the water and were chilling on the sand when my cell phone rang ominously. I know, I know, but it's true! It was an ominous ring! I knew from just looking at the number (which wasn't in my contacts but was from San Francisco where my supervisor for IRD works) that this call was going to put a halt to my relaxing week.
Turns out they need a teacher to sub long distance (on a run, as they call it) for six weekend classes that Saturday and Sunday about 40 miles south of San Francisco. I thought I was done with 300 mile driving weeks. Nope, this weekend I would be driving 340 miles there and back again!
Honestly, I was pretty excited. I was talking to Daniel not long before that I wanted to go spend a night in a hotel room. So, IRD hooked me up with a rental car and a hotel for two nights. I was to leave Friday, teach three classes on Saturday, three classes on Sunday, and then drive to be home Sunday night (so that I'd be home for my PUC training Monday morning). What makes it better, every moment I was driving in that car I was being paid. Even though I was excited, I also had a lot of anxiety about this trip.
1) It would be just me. Not that I don't like me, this week at least, I've just never been 300 miles from home alone before. I've always traveled with other people. I tried to convince Daniel to come but he was looking forward to some un-Brandy-interrupted work time and we also had to consider leaving the dog and ferrets alone for that long. It just wasn't going to work.
2) Since moving to L.A. my anxiety while driving has spiked considerably. While I feel pretty confident as a driver, I do not trust my vehicle and I do not trust my fellow road mates. So, that five hour car trip was looking pretty horrible.
I was close to tears right up until I started the rental car. I got a Kia Soul. I chose that car because I have never driven a square car before and I wanted to try it. I don't know about the squareness of it but I fell in LOVE with that car. I'm not in love with the Kia Soul per se, I'm more in love with a car that didn't throw a fit and veer into a tree just because I chose to drive it that day (...stupid *!@&#&@ Cavalier - side note, I didn't drive into a tree. That was just to express my frustration with my car that does not like to be driven).
Anyway, as soon as I got into that car all of my anxieties melted away. It drove like a dream. When I drive my Cavalier I feel like it drives on 2% gasoline and 98% of Brandy's willpower to reach her destination. It sucks my soul! This car was 99% fueled with gasoline and 1% of Brandy not going overboard with it's ability to accelerate REALLY REALLY fast. Also, it had an iPhone connector and I quite enjoyed being able to turn on my favorite tunes and listen as loud as I wanted for the next 5 hours.
As much as I love my husband, I quite enjoyed my independence during this trip. I liked being able to just listen to my internal voice and reflect. There was a reservoir (and a real river - not a fake Southern California river) about 2 miles from my hotel where I just sat and immersed myself in nature...just me. I felt like it was a healthy retreat and a great way to center myself just before I start my first year of teaching. I only wish I had more time to myself and didn't have to teach. I might actually have to make it a tradition and just ditch Daniel every year before the start of school. It helped me refocus so much of myself. Seriously, it was a good trip.
The teaching for IRD was nothing special and isn't really important to mention other than to tell you I had no problems and everything went smoothly. On my drive back I started a new audiobook rather than listen to music the whole time. I finally started reading The Help. I did not expect it to be so absorbing. I haven't seen the movie yet because it was one I wanted to read first. So, I'm still about halfway through that book (it's pretty long).
I got back from my adventure at about 10 pm on Sunday night. I then had to be up at six to begin my week of New Teacher Training with PUC. I know this seems like something that I would normally be pretty anxious about, but every interaction I have had with this charter school system has been immensely positive and I was full of anticipation rather than panic.
Well, today was my second day of training and I am so stoked! I do not think I could have fallen into a better position for my first year of teaching. There is just so much enthusiasm and support. Also, there's absolutely no negativity about the profession. I hate to say this, but when you go to larger school districts and interact with the teachers and administrators (yes, even in Utah my friends) there is just so much negativity and hopelessness at certain aspects of the career. Not here. Absolutely none. It makes me feel so empowered.
One of the things I got to reflect about on my weekend excursion was "why." Maybe it's a bad question to ask yourself after spending tens of thousands on a a degree but I got to thinking about what motivates me as a teacher. It's definitely not the pay. I believe many people get into teaching for the accolades but as many grateful parents as you'll see, you'll see just as many conservative nuts wondering why we are even being paid. That's not it for me.
I've wanted to teach for as long as I can remember. I tried to fool myself a couple of times in my life: I wanted to be an artist, I wanted to be a pediatrician, I wanted to be a musician. However, one of my earliest memories is of Kindergarten Brandy sitting at her chair built for lilliputians, staring at her kindergarten teacher and thinking: "I love school. This is where I belong." It seems crazy I know but even back then I understood what that woman was handing to me. My education, and I knew it was important. It was vital.
When I look at my shelf of my most prized possessions, there is nothing I have worked harder to get or achieve. I have writing and softball trophies. I have a tennis trophy (God knows what my tennis coach must have been drinking to give me that one) and even my expired CNA certificate (which I gave blood, sweat, and tears to acquire). I have my laptop and my camera. I have my wedding ring. I don't think of my pets as my property but I've put a lot of effort and love in training Miya (even if it isn't immediately apparent). My education is still the most important part of me.
And here is my why: I am extremely passionate about the language arts. Sure, I'm horrible at math - and I could never teach it, but there are so many reasons that I have for being an English teacher. So, why do I teach the language arts:
I truly believe that the language arts are a window to our community and our humanity. Through literature, critical analysis, and language skills that are learned in "English" we can explore what it means to live in this world and our responsibilities to our fellow human beings. We explore the triumphs and trials of those who came before us and communicate with those who will come after about our own lives.
I know I'm a new teacher, but I know my shit. When I sit in these new teacher learning labs among peers with many more years of experience on me, I feel like my enthusiasm and passion burns just as bright. I have a passion to present material in a way that is culturally meaningful and relevant to my students. And yes, as a white woman, it means I have to go places that aren't particularly comfortable to me but I want every word that comes out of my mouth and my students' to be meaningful to their lives. And I believe that it all can be. In a language arts class, if I am not allowing my students to relate the content to their lives.... then I am failing them.
That is why. I want to give my students what year after year of English teachers have given to me. A lens. A lens to explore my world. A way to access and critically analyze information so that they can speak about the things that matter. A way for them to be a contributing citizens in this world. Not someone who just sits back and lets things happen but someone who sees a problem and works to solve it with the people around me. I want to give them an education that will empower them to speak.
If you can't tell - I'm extremely excited. I know this year is going to be hard. I know there will be plenty of times when I won't believe in most of what I just said but I know if I can just think of the "why" then I can get up every morning and I can give it all.
That's all for me folks. I hope you are all having an excellent week! I'm going to try and shift these blog posts to Sundays because I'll have more time to write them on Sundays now. So, the other one is just around the corner.
Loves!
<3/ Brandy
On Wednesday, Daniel and I headed down to Santa Monica for a relaxing day on the beach. We played around in the water and were chilling on the sand when my cell phone rang ominously. I know, I know, but it's true! It was an ominous ring! I knew from just looking at the number (which wasn't in my contacts but was from San Francisco where my supervisor for IRD works) that this call was going to put a halt to my relaxing week.
Turns out they need a teacher to sub long distance (on a run, as they call it) for six weekend classes that Saturday and Sunday about 40 miles south of San Francisco. I thought I was done with 300 mile driving weeks. Nope, this weekend I would be driving 340 miles there and back again!
Honestly, I was pretty excited. I was talking to Daniel not long before that I wanted to go spend a night in a hotel room. So, IRD hooked me up with a rental car and a hotel for two nights. I was to leave Friday, teach three classes on Saturday, three classes on Sunday, and then drive to be home Sunday night (so that I'd be home for my PUC training Monday morning). What makes it better, every moment I was driving in that car I was being paid. Even though I was excited, I also had a lot of anxiety about this trip.
1) It would be just me. Not that I don't like me, this week at least, I've just never been 300 miles from home alone before. I've always traveled with other people. I tried to convince Daniel to come but he was looking forward to some un-Brandy-interrupted work time and we also had to consider leaving the dog and ferrets alone for that long. It just wasn't going to work.
2) Since moving to L.A. my anxiety while driving has spiked considerably. While I feel pretty confident as a driver, I do not trust my vehicle and I do not trust my fellow road mates. So, that five hour car trip was looking pretty horrible.
I was close to tears right up until I started the rental car. I got a Kia Soul. I chose that car because I have never driven a square car before and I wanted to try it. I don't know about the squareness of it but I fell in LOVE with that car. I'm not in love with the Kia Soul per se, I'm more in love with a car that didn't throw a fit and veer into a tree just because I chose to drive it that day (...stupid *!@&#&@ Cavalier - side note, I didn't drive into a tree. That was just to express my frustration with my car that does not like to be driven).
Anyway, as soon as I got into that car all of my anxieties melted away. It drove like a dream. When I drive my Cavalier I feel like it drives on 2% gasoline and 98% of Brandy's willpower to reach her destination. It sucks my soul! This car was 99% fueled with gasoline and 1% of Brandy not going overboard with it's ability to accelerate REALLY REALLY fast. Also, it had an iPhone connector and I quite enjoyed being able to turn on my favorite tunes and listen as loud as I wanted for the next 5 hours.
As much as I love my husband, I quite enjoyed my independence during this trip. I liked being able to just listen to my internal voice and reflect. There was a reservoir (and a real river - not a fake Southern California river) about 2 miles from my hotel where I just sat and immersed myself in nature...just me. I felt like it was a healthy retreat and a great way to center myself just before I start my first year of teaching. I only wish I had more time to myself and didn't have to teach. I might actually have to make it a tradition and just ditch Daniel every year before the start of school. It helped me refocus so much of myself. Seriously, it was a good trip.
The teaching for IRD was nothing special and isn't really important to mention other than to tell you I had no problems and everything went smoothly. On my drive back I started a new audiobook rather than listen to music the whole time. I finally started reading The Help. I did not expect it to be so absorbing. I haven't seen the movie yet because it was one I wanted to read first. So, I'm still about halfway through that book (it's pretty long).
I got back from my adventure at about 10 pm on Sunday night. I then had to be up at six to begin my week of New Teacher Training with PUC. I know this seems like something that I would normally be pretty anxious about, but every interaction I have had with this charter school system has been immensely positive and I was full of anticipation rather than panic.
Well, today was my second day of training and I am so stoked! I do not think I could have fallen into a better position for my first year of teaching. There is just so much enthusiasm and support. Also, there's absolutely no negativity about the profession. I hate to say this, but when you go to larger school districts and interact with the teachers and administrators (yes, even in Utah my friends) there is just so much negativity and hopelessness at certain aspects of the career. Not here. Absolutely none. It makes me feel so empowered.
One of the things I got to reflect about on my weekend excursion was "why." Maybe it's a bad question to ask yourself after spending tens of thousands on a a degree but I got to thinking about what motivates me as a teacher. It's definitely not the pay. I believe many people get into teaching for the accolades but as many grateful parents as you'll see, you'll see just as many conservative nuts wondering why we are even being paid. That's not it for me.
I've wanted to teach for as long as I can remember. I tried to fool myself a couple of times in my life: I wanted to be an artist, I wanted to be a pediatrician, I wanted to be a musician. However, one of my earliest memories is of Kindergarten Brandy sitting at her chair built for lilliputians, staring at her kindergarten teacher and thinking: "I love school. This is where I belong." It seems crazy I know but even back then I understood what that woman was handing to me. My education, and I knew it was important. It was vital.
When I look at my shelf of my most prized possessions, there is nothing I have worked harder to get or achieve. I have writing and softball trophies. I have a tennis trophy (God knows what my tennis coach must have been drinking to give me that one) and even my expired CNA certificate (which I gave blood, sweat, and tears to acquire). I have my laptop and my camera. I have my wedding ring. I don't think of my pets as my property but I've put a lot of effort and love in training Miya (even if it isn't immediately apparent). My education is still the most important part of me.
And here is my why: I am extremely passionate about the language arts. Sure, I'm horrible at math - and I could never teach it, but there are so many reasons that I have for being an English teacher. So, why do I teach the language arts:
I truly believe that the language arts are a window to our community and our humanity. Through literature, critical analysis, and language skills that are learned in "English" we can explore what it means to live in this world and our responsibilities to our fellow human beings. We explore the triumphs and trials of those who came before us and communicate with those who will come after about our own lives.
I know I'm a new teacher, but I know my shit. When I sit in these new teacher learning labs among peers with many more years of experience on me, I feel like my enthusiasm and passion burns just as bright. I have a passion to present material in a way that is culturally meaningful and relevant to my students. And yes, as a white woman, it means I have to go places that aren't particularly comfortable to me but I want every word that comes out of my mouth and my students' to be meaningful to their lives. And I believe that it all can be. In a language arts class, if I am not allowing my students to relate the content to their lives.... then I am failing them.
That is why. I want to give my students what year after year of English teachers have given to me. A lens. A lens to explore my world. A way to access and critically analyze information so that they can speak about the things that matter. A way for them to be a contributing citizens in this world. Not someone who just sits back and lets things happen but someone who sees a problem and works to solve it with the people around me. I want to give them an education that will empower them to speak.
If you can't tell - I'm extremely excited. I know this year is going to be hard. I know there will be plenty of times when I won't believe in most of what I just said but I know if I can just think of the "why" then I can get up every morning and I can give it all.
That's all for me folks. I hope you are all having an excellent week! I'm going to try and shift these blog posts to Sundays because I'll have more time to write them on Sundays now. So, the other one is just around the corner.
Loves!
<3/ Brandy
1 comments:
:) Glad you are excited for the year! I can't wait either. I am practically bouncing on my toes in anticipation to get started this year! Though... science is better ;). I actually can't wait to get started with all of the extra scary stuff, too, because I realized about a week ago how exciting and fun it's going to be and how much better we can be if we do this PLC thing right. BRING ON SCHOOL BRANDY! BRING IT ON! When's your first day of school?
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